Do you know? And does it scare you?

Hello Guys and Gals!

It's been a while and I apologize for that. I have had a lot going on medically and RL stuff so please forgive me.

So tonight I'm asking you a question. Do you know what you're capable of doing? And does it scare you?

I sometimes watch movies or TV shows where people or soldiers or criminals push the limit on what is acceptable behavior. While watching them I sometimes catch myself rooting for the bad guys, or the good guys, or the guys with nothing to lose. I think I always root for the guys most who have nothing to lose and they're risking it all on some gamble they're making.

The thing is, when watching those people in those situations, I know that I am capable of doing every single thing they've done! I know this because when the poo hits the fan, my blood turns to ice. What I mean is, when trouble is happening, my conscience goes away and is locked up inside me and I do not let it out again until the situation I'm in is over. I become very cold and calculated and very 'get this done no matter what it takes'!

And this scares me!

In the very depths of my being, I know that I am capable of doing ANYTHING it takes to fix a situation. I shut off all emotion, pain, and even mercy.

If you wonder why I try to have a good relationship with each and every one of you, it is because I have seen what it is to hurt someone in the very depths of their soul and not care about it. When I finally do let out my emotions again, I break! Literally break inside me! My very heart hurts with the pain of the things I have done! Even now as I write this, I remember and tears fill my eyes! I don't like to hurt others. I have done it way too many times! And even the faded memory is way too much for me to bear.

Jesus is my Lord and Savior for one reason and one reason only. He loved me when NOBODY else did! He came to where I was and He put his arm around me and walked me out of that desolate place! Some may think that I make it up when I tell people I've seen Jesus, literally, walking beside me at my most painful times in my life. This is not a lie. It is truth! One time He even took me in a dream to the foot of the cross with Him hanging from it. And you know what I saw? I saw a broken man in severe pain, struggling for His every breath, and He looked down on me and then all I saw was love in His eyes. His love for me. When He hung on that cross, He did it solely for me and me alone and He told me it was worth the price!

If you do not know Jesus this way, then fall to your knees and pray that He helps you to come closer to Him as He helped me. This is my Jesus, my Lord, my God, my Savior! He is the holy, holy, holy one of Israel and He died so that you may have life. I'm not talking the life of desolation and shame that you now live, but the life of being freed from sin's embrace. Free to love and cherish others as He loved and cherishes you.

Remember always, it doesn't matter how far down the path of sin you have gone. All you have to do is repent, literally turn around, and you will find Him there ready to take you back to the path of His righteousness!

May God draw you closer to Him this very night through the love of His Son, Jesus Christ my Lord!